Run down for my dreams

The past week or so has proven to be an exhaustion of sorts. I have been so run down that I haven't felt much motivation to blog (depressing news, I know). However, daycare yesterday relit the flame and really completely boosted my motivation to make this post today. :)

As you know, I am part of the production process in making the cores for tape at 3M company. For one reason or another, I have begun to enjoy doing what I do. I guess it just keeps me so busy, with all the learning and things to do that the routine of things is really growing on me, even the bosses are starting to notice, which in this world seems to be among the best one can do at their workplace. They really notice the dedication - proof that you really want what they're paying you. 

After having my first night shift rotation last Friday and my first day rotation on Wednesday/Thursday, I've grown accustomed to feeling tired, most of the time. Even though there is 2-3 days between shift rotations, as soon as I begin to shake the tired off, the tired comes back full swing and my internal clock seems to have gone awry. 

My emotional clock (if I can call it that) however, has been in other places. Yes, longing for the outdoors on the playground. Finally, Friday, I was able to soothe those emotions with my first shift as supply staff at the daycare in the preschool room. It was everything I expected it to be and more. I felt like I was where I belonged, however we ECEs certainly don't get paid enough for the days of exhaustion we are to expect. 

Constant counting, maintaining ratios, children dropping food everywhere and consistent reminders are only a few things that happen in a typical day. Some days, though when you think you have seen it all (from experience at many daycares before hand), children will surprise you, catch you off guard even. You turn away for a moment, a brief moment in time and you turn back only to see a child in the sandbox showering herself with sand, like it's nobody's business. In those moments, you have to take a moment to laugh to yourself as you reminisce and realize it's something you probably did as well before delicately rubbing out the sand as best you can. 

It doesn't matter what children I am with, or how long I am with them, I like to take away those memories where I can go home and think "Today, I had a good day at daycare. I wonder what my next shift will be like." Of course, when telling Mom about my day, it doesn't quite come out that way. "When I get home from work, I don't feel as exhausted as I do after daycare." That's the aha moment where you realize that there is a fine line between the factory and what you went to school to do. 

I sometimes wonder if it was a good idea taking two jobs. Then I realize that I would rather hit a wall and feel completely run down if it means I get that much closer to my dreams.